Love yourself, even if you no longer love your spouse

When you decide to file for divorce, you probably have numerous fears and regrets, not to mention anger. With escalated emotional distress often comes the opportunity to lose your composure in the moment, resulting in words you wish you could take back.

Although there are plenty of things you may want to say or do to your spouse, you might want to think about how doing so would make you feel. Instead of seeking revenge, bringing up old hurts or potentially trying to blame your spouse for your divorce, you might be wise to consider ways you can minimize the pain of your divorce.

3 things you can learn about other people’s regrets

Rather than provide yourself additional heartache, learning from other people’s divorce regrets can help you show some lovingkindness to yourself throughout your divorce process. Once you agree to terms, you may not have to interact with your ex again. However, you will have to continue to live with yourself and take responsibility for your actions.

Some ways you can minimize the regrets surrounding your divorce include:

  • Allow yourself time. Rather than quickly jumping into another relationship, allow yourself to be present in your circumstances, no matter how painful they may be. When you accept what is, and allow yourself the opportunity to heal, you can present your best self to another person in the future.
  • Remain civil. You and your spouse have a history together, with many memories shared. Rather than destroy the positive aspects of your past through hostility, remaining civil throughout your divorce process could help you maintain a level of friendliness, rather than disdain.
  • Be kind to yourself. No matter the circumstances leading to your divorce, allow yourself some grace. You and your spouse probably both made mistakes, but dwelling on the things you could have done differently will likely keep you stuck in the past, rather than allowing you the opportunity to move on.

In some cases, you might feel as though you are unable to contain your anger. In those instances, you can rely on your attorney to provide guidance based on the combination of your goals and their experience.

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